shellyyy_dear

i've gone without eating for fiftyone hours
only had water and ciggs
im at one fifty seven
and i dont have the urge to eat
my mum went shopping

i stared at the food
she bought some of my favorite things
and i didnt want them

my friends have offered to buy me food
and i said no
they offered to split what they were eating,
asking if i wanted the rest
and i didnt even pause before saying no

its nice to have my control back
 

its amazing 

Artist: Superchick
Album: Beauty From Pain
Title: Courage

I told another lie today
And i got through this day
No one saw through my games
I know the write words to say
Like "i don't feel well," "i ate before i came"
Then someone tells me how good i look
And for a moment, for a moment i am happy
But when i'm alone, no one hears me cry

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Somedays i'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be ok
Together we can make it through another day

I don't know the first time i felt unbeautiful
The day i chose not to eat
What i do know is how i've changed my life forever
I know i should know better
There are days when i'm ok
And for a moment, for a moment i find hope
But there are days when i'm not ok
And i need your help
So i'm letting go

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Somedays i'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be ok
Together we can make it through another day

You should know you're not on your own
These secrets are walls that keep us alone
I don't know when but i know now
Together we'll make it through somehow
(together we'll make it through somehow)

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Somedays i'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be ok
Together we can make it through another day


you can look it up on youtube

Here are some things to do INSTEAD OF eating:

1. Clean house! Get busy "hoeing and throwing," go through old stuff and purge out what you don't wear, don't want, don't need anymore. Dust. Vaccuum. Scrub. Keep busy! It engages the attention and keeps the thoughts off food. If you're a teen, your mom will be amazed and VERY grateful, so grateful she'll forget to nag you about food! If you're an adult, you'll thank yourself when you're done!

2. Keep sipping on that lemon-water, tea, or diet pepsi while you work! Keeps the tummy sated so it won't growl at ya.

3. Put on some music and dance! Or keep the tunes rolling while you clean house, it keeps the work from getting boring and you can boogie while you sweat!

4. Work on your new pro-ana website, or update your online ana journal.

5. Network with other pro-anas through chat, email, messenger or club sites -- get some support and motivation from your sisters/brothers when you NEED it!

6. Put together a pro-ana scrapbook (or add some new things if you already have one) with lists of safe foods, low-cal, low-fat, low-carb recipes, word collages, and of course, TRIGGER PICS!!!

7. Surf the web and make a list of all the pro-ana sites you can find, or all the safe-food sites you can find, or all the places online where you can buy diet pills, shake mixes, etc. These lists are VERY handy for research and sharing with others!

8. Get up off that lazy cow butt and take a walk or start working out! You still have fat to burn, don't you??? Quit laying around dreaming of donuts and pizza and GET BUSY!!! =)

i fucking hate myself
i atee waaay too much at the outback
i had a third of the fucking onion thingy
the entire grilled chicken
three pieces of the bread WITH butter
urghhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i need a cigg now
iknjirkgjne893o8ikmw08564/hwt*e63

location: my bed

mood: sleepy

i'm off to bed
145
eww
i hate being so disgusting
but i think this weekend will be good for me
hopefully
sweet dreams everyone!


'a moment on your lips, forever on your hips.'

location: who really cares

mood: apathetic

I first started experimenting with anorexia when I was around ten. I had always been healthy for my height and age, but I had never seen myself as that way. For some reason, I just began packing on the pounds. I just started skipping meals, saying I had already eaten or that I just wasn’t hungry. The weight soon stopped and I went right back to being a normal little girl. Then I turned twelve and started middle school and I really had no friends. I wouldn’t go out after school, instead staying in to read and play on the computer and watch TV. And eat. And I gained a lot of weight, around forty or so pounds. The next year I met two really awesome people and they became my best friends. I began goin out more, spending my time walking around town and such. But these two girls were very overweight and we went out to eat just about every single day. Soon we didn’t even walk around town, and I began to gain even more weight. That lasted for about two years until one day I stepped onto the scale and saw how disgusting I was. And I remembered what I used to do. That was the beginning of last summer, around mid-June. Since then I’ve lost around thirty pounds and feel amazing. But it still isn’t enough and I’m still overweight and still get made fun of and can’t even look at myself for too long in the mirror. And now it's gunna get even fucking worse because my friends have like abandoned me. fucking sweeeet dude.


michelle